all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
