Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
