Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
