The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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