Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
