need another drink. this is the easiest way
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
