My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We had to coat check the pizza.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
