The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize