all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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