I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
