I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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