so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i think i just lost a toe
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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