so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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