Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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