also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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