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Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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