So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
