i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
