my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
