I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize