either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
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I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
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Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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