Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
