Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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