And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
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I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize