whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
