They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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