i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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