Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
