i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
