I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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