I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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