Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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