Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
