: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
