I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I have feelings that need drinking.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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