Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
