I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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