YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
