Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
