I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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