It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
