Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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