From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
