Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
