so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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