I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
