dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
