for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
