I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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