I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she pinky promised me she was 18
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
