Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
