Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't put those talents on a resume
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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