glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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