No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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