There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
