omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
