he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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