I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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