Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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