You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
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Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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