The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
