some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
