i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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