I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
