you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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