Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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