Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If I die, sorry about rent.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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