I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
