Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
never play flip cup with pint glasses
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
