Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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