I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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